Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
