he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.