I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?