Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.