Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Quick, to the slutcave!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.