i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels