i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
