i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
