I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
