discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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