i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
