This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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