I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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