Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
