My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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