you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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