Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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