Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
