We got so high we made milksteak
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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