i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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