Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
