weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
