Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish i was in the wii world.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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