you guys were way drunker than both of me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
