Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
