party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Still dying that you shit outside
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
