just come out here and I will go home with you...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
