I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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