btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
