Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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