can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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