Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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