I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
