glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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