my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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