How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
