omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
