and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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