and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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