Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize