"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
tell me about the eggs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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