I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
