Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
