They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
