How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
