Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
