I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
