the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
