I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
