Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
