As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She bit a glass in half.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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