Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I supernannyed him into submission
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