we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
