i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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