I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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