shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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