I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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