About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
