I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
