I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
