I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
