Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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