Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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