she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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