YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
