now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
smell my finger.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
