Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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